I decided I want to write out what my plan is for my future. This was partially helped by my psychiatrist telling me I need to make a list of options, and then put the pros and cons of each of them, and rate them from best to worst. After that, she told me I need a back up plan.

For some reason, it seems like I forgot all about the backup plan. I had this mindset that it had to be either one thing or another, and if I failed at what I had chosen, well then I was just fucked and that was the end of it.

Having a backup plan makes things feel much more safe for me. Well, as safe as things can be in my situation. It's like having a net under a tightrope. The tightrope is your main plan, the backup plan is the net in case you fall off the tightrope and fail in attempting your main plan.

So... the option I've decided on is to peruse my passion for graphic design. I already have an associate in it. Well, technically, it's a double associate in publishing and in web design.

My main plan at the moment is:

1. I'm going to try to find some headhunters/recruiters that specialize in graphic design. If I can't find headhunts for graphic design, I'll keep going broader until I find one for something related to my field, like media or advertising.

2. I'm going to ask as many people in the graphic design field as I can if they think I would be able to get a job with my associate degree and my level of skill. (I was told by two teachers on separate occasions that I was at the top of my classes... and I've tutored people, and had some of my work selected for a juried student art show. So I think my skill is decent.)

3. I'm going to attempt to get a job with my associate degree around where I live. I also need to get my website up.

4. If I cannot get a job, I am probably going to attend Kendal College of Art and Design, because they have a great Graphic Design bachelor degree. In order to pay for it, I am going to apply for the FAFSA and any other student aid I can get, and also apply for scholarships. Whatever amount is left over that I need to pay, I will take out loans, so that I do not have to pay for college at the moment.

5. For housing, I will either look into the dorms... but because I have birds and cats that cannot be left behind, I probably will have to find an apartment. I will find a small apartment, and get a roommate, and hope that the rent will be below 400 a month. If possible, I would like to find a roommate that would be willing to share a bedroom with me. That way, our rent would go way down. Another option is renting a single room. But, this may be a problem, because I have my birds and my cats, and they cannot be in the same room. The only way this would work is if my cats were allowed out of the room I rented, and I was allowed to have my birds in the room I rented.

6. If it's too hard to do Kendall, I will settle for a school within driving distance of where I live. That narrows it down a lot though. It would probably be Eastern.

7. My first backup plan, if this fails, I plan to try to get an office clerical job. Because I don't have much experience working, I worry about how easily I'll be able to get even a menial job. I'm thinking that at that point, I will work for a temporary staffing agency, or more than one, like Kelly services or Manpower.

8. My second backup plan is to open my own housecleaning business. I know a woman that did this when her husband divorced her and left her with two little babies. She has offered to help me if I ever want to pursue this.

9. There are some issues with my family. My mother is still unemployed, and my grandpa is loosing his sight due to macular degeneration, and can no longer drive or read well. Right now he depends on me for a lot of things, such as billing and driving them to the doctor or the store. I know eventually they will have to move into an assisted living facility, but I need to have my shit together before that happens. At the same time, if they stay here, they need help. So it's kind of a catch 22. But, my grandpa has expressed that he wants me to be as independent as I can... so, I know he supports me.

This is the basic plan I have at the moment.

Life goes too fast. How the hell is 2005 five years behind us now?

purging inactive journals, you say? Time to write something. Oh, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to get my ass in gear and get that four year degree. Shit sux now. Hopefully all my friends on here are still alive/doing okay. Sorry I kinda fell off the face of the earth.

Im still alive... I just forgot about this for like half a year. x_X Im still at Schoolcraft, still in the graphic design track... blah I don't know what to write, I just wanted to update this thing. x_x

and take that English grammar... I'm in a weirdish mood today, but I think it's safe to say I'm finally cheering up a bit thanks to summer finally kicking winter's butt outta Michigan. (Yay, no more snow. Praise the Lord!) There's something about summer that just sends me into my sparkly happy place. Maybe it's seeing the trees come back to life... or the birds for that matter, but I just tend to be happier overall. My yard is just gorgeous this time of year too. I have to take some pictures and post them up on here. We have like... ten thousand gigantic trees in the back that are in full... bloom? Whatever, it's solid green, I swear. I look down, and it's nothing but sunlight and shades of green. I don't even mind when it rains during this time of year. I love maple trees.... the one outside the den window completely blocks the view of everything from my seat here. All i see is bunches of bigass maple leafs... lol.

I'm over at schoolcraft now, second semester just completed about a week ago. I'm gonna take two classes this upcoming first summer session too, so i'll be pretty busy. They're all night classes and 3 + hours but i luuurv my professor so I don't mind (because he's funny and random and youngish and cute and absolutely ADD). I had my end of the year portfolio review type thingie that they do there, and the one prof was like, 'so you've been here two years.' Yay for being productive. I was happy to say nope that was two SEMESTERS lady. They thought i was one of those insane workaholics. o_O haha how totally false. I just love computer shit. XD But I'm in an okayish place with my idea to have graphic design as my career. Sure, I still dodn't know exactly what's going to happen in the future, because this career has no clear cut path, but I think i'm okay with that... well, at least I'm not having panic attacks anymore over it. It's the kind of field where you get jobs based on who you know, which I don't like, but I'll deal with it. Because, I know i'm damn good at it (got on the cgt's most outstanding students two sems in a row) and I seem to love it as well. I usually don't brag at all... but I have to keep telling myself that I actually have some kind of talent for it, so i don't start spiraling into the "what if's".

Ergh, I can't seem to wake up earlier than noon either. So terrible. Today I slept in until quarter to three, and that was with my mom bugging me to get the hell up every half hour for a while. Good Lord. I am just NOT a morning person, I swear to God. My morning class from 10 to noon, I was always half dead for it. So sad. I have to just force myself to wake up at 9 AM every morning from now on I think, so I can get back on a half way decent sleep/wake cycle. Because at the moment I'm a damn owl. And i'm pale. I think i'm going to become translucent one of these days. Like those fish you see at the pet store. I think they're a kind of guppy.

And firefox2 has a spellchecker. SO I don't have to suck ass at spelling in my posts anymore. Well, lj has one too, but this underlines stuff in red like msword, so it's nifty and cool. Also, why does everything cost so damned much. I swear. I can't afford anything anymore. Ipods are so cool. I want one, but Apple is positibly evil. Sure, you can get a cheaper one for like 200 bucks, but for 150 more, the next step up is like 60 times larger in memory. God damned Apple. I hate them so much. And their stupid Mac V Pc ads. They just piss me off now. Commercials in general are pissing me off a lot more. I think it's because their annoyance factor has gone through the roof. The worst are the Esurance ones. I hate those with a seething passion. I want to beat whoever came up with those stupid lines.... my God. Just cancel them already, PLEASE. Ugh, I also hate how mac computers are so fucking pricy. Cause you know everyone in the graphics field loves mac *rolls eyes*. I don't. I don't hate them, but I just like windows better. Yes, oh dear God, the world is ending. I like windows. So sue me! Not the new buggy vista though. Why is it that I can't buy a fucking Dell with damned XP? Their customizable options are shit. It's like, I can't go DOWN from a 350GB harddrive... only UP up UP. WTF. the one i have now is 80... EIGHTY.... i can't IMAGINE one that huge... do you have any CLUE how LONG that thing would take to scan??? Like... 4 HOURS. lol. Then again, I do run out of space on mine constantly (i'm always at around 10-20 GB in free space lol). But, I don't think i'd ever want one that big. No way. Also, I don't want buggy Vista. NO thanks. And all my programs I bought not working? Uh, no thank you. I'll stick with my bloated memory sucking XP. (Anyone seen the OS-tans btw??? I'm sorry but I find them all adorible... of course XP has huge um.... upper regions because it sucks up so much memory. XD Sad to say, I want that video of XP Tan bouncing around on the windows desktop to be an actual program. o_O I'm sorry, but she's just plain adorable, even if she is way too bouncy in certain regions.)

Well this has to be the most fucking random post i've ever written in a long time. Well, randomness rocks anyway. So who cares?

I think it's impossible for me to keep a consecutive record of anything - let alone a livejournal. x_X Christ. Thing's have been blah lately. I don't feel like going into it, but I think I need an upgrade on those anti depressants.

My God... My new comedy central obsession: ( Night Time Use Only )

I never have anything productive to write in here... but I want to update with something of substance.. Well, next sem's up and running in full swing now... Good so far...

Yes, I am aware that, at times, I have the humor of a twelve year old boy.( lulz, comedy geiness. )

Wishing everyone a happy and safe new years. :)